it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
