If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize