I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
