Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
