I hate your face
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
