dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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