someone threw a dead crab at me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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