Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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