Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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