Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize