I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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