That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
