Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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