well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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