Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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