Plan B is the new Plan A
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
do herpes really smell.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
