There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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