My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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