If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
