Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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