we have pet lesbian snakes
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
