I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
