I'm so fucking centered right now
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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