what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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