he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize