i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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