my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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