Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
