Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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