So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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