3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
