wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize