so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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