Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
