Kiss
Puke
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
