don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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