I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
