i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
