just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
