I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
