rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
