Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
