I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
