The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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