there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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