using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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