My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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