And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
