i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
