She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
