Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
