I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
