I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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