4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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