I wish I could teleport
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
