Cold hands, warm shart.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
