Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
