I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
