Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
