it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
