i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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