It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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