She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
