i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
