today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
