he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize