We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize