I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
