is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize