i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
